20 in 2 weeks
I turn 20 in 2 weeks. 13-19 was a solid line, a continuous mental back-and-forth keeping a steady, straightforward trajectory. My spirits would lift ever so slightly, only to be pulled back to hard earth by dread, or general pediatric anxiety, as they call it. My relationships reached an all time 6. My confidence reached and all time 0.
But it wasn't all bad. In fact, the good was good. That Sunday smell, football on the TV and steak on the stove. Car rides to anywhere, car rides to no where. Lights out conversation. Running away in rage, returning in tears. "I'm sorry." Too much chocolate, art movies. Dancing. Dances. That first feeling of waking up for someone, alive—the sunlight through the curtains.That first feeling of waking up with no one but yourself. On top of the world. First-drink stars. Vintage stores. Doubt. Doubtless.
20. 20-29. The next 10 years I will grow and love. I will doubt. I will sweat through my shirt. I will be by myself a lot. I will be loved a lot. I will smell New York again. I will build a home. I will
But it wasn't all bad. In fact, the good was good. That Sunday smell, football on the TV and steak on the stove. Car rides to anywhere, car rides to no where. Lights out conversation. Running away in rage, returning in tears. "I'm sorry." Too much chocolate, art movies. Dancing. Dances. That first feeling of waking up for someone, alive—the sunlight through the curtains.That first feeling of waking up with no one but yourself. On top of the world. First-drink stars. Vintage stores. Doubt. Doubtless.
20. 20-29. The next 10 years I will grow and love. I will doubt. I will sweat through my shirt. I will be by myself a lot. I will be loved a lot. I will smell New York again. I will build a home. I will
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